I’ve realised writing this post was more of a challenge that the challenge of finding love as a travel blogger.
I got an idea of how daunting my challenge was when I asked people’s feedback about my grand idea of writing about this post.
The men generally were positive .
One good male blogger friend said…
‘Hell, yeah go for it.You might get some female fanmail.’
Not going to happen but a nice thought, nevertheless.
My female friends and followers were more reserved and guarded.
A friend nicely stated to me that I was missing the point
You don’t’ find love, love finds you.
As hackneyed a phrase it is, she is possibly true.
I can’t vouch for this from my own experience but for others, I know this to be the case.
Before you go any further…
If you are hoping for sordid revelations about travel blogger romances or any of mine ( If I had any…) – I can tell you right now, stop reading, this is not that post.
Yep. I don’t like the phrase. Sounds like a mission.
You get my drift though right? I hope you do at the end of this post.
As some of you may or may not know, at the beginning of last year, I came out of a 4 year marriage.
It wasn’t a terrible marriage. We have managed to remain good friends, despite differences.
As with anything in life, whatever the circumstances, change is hard to embrace.
Luckily, at that time while my life was being dragged through the gutter, the one thing that kept me sane was my travel blog and the travel blogging community.
My blog was just 6 months old so getting that off the ground kept me distracted.
I also had just discovered Twitter.
Via Twitter, I discovered this amazing community of travel crazy people, people just like me who dreamed about travel 24/7.
Total strangers, yet I found so much in common with these people.
Strangers, many of whom now are my good friends.
What amazed me was how well these ‘Internet friendships’ from Twitter translated in the real world.
Just a few months after my breakup I met some of my virtual, Twitter friends at the first Travel Bloggers Unite conference in Manchester- it was a ball and I had an amazing few days.
I made a lot of friends at the conference , all of whom have remained good friends.
Suddenly my world was much bigger and more rich in so many ways.
People started noticing my blog. Positive feedback.
Offers of blogtrips to places I could never dream of visiting.
I travelled a lot last year.
It kinda helped me in a big way through my breakup
I needed to get away from my life in Edinburgh.
Travel can be so therapeutic in many ways.
Chance to learn new things.
To unlearn, learn the world around you.
Time to reflect, think and plan ahead.
I had a great time with the bloggers on the blogtrips.
Hanging out with travel bloggers on these trips or at conferences- I suddenly felt like I had met my own tribe.
People who understood your life as a aspiring ( struggling) travel blogger- I could share my highs and lows.
I felt then and still feel this gratitude and amazing love when I meet travel bloggers.
So on some level, as a travel blogger I have found love.
So what about finding LOVE LUUUUURVE…ok.
I hear you.
Finding love in the travel blogging community.
What’s not to like about female travel bloggers?
Go to any travel blogging conference.
Talk to them.
An open insatiable appetite for travel.
An inquisitive mind.
Beautiful. I really mean they are beautiful. Each, in their own way.
These girls have style.
Every morning you walk into a conference venue or a blogtrip I really feel like I’ve walked into the middle of a fashion commercial.
All of them coming from pretty amazing backgrounds- whether its management consulting or being a doctor , a lawyer or a flying fish expert 🙂
All have amazing stories to share.
An IQ to match their beauty and love of travel.
There is a never dull moment.
What not to like?
Given the amount of time I spend on the road, often solo, it’s the perfect reality dating a female travel blogger.
Who better to share my life and understand it?
At times, it does get lonely and you do wish at times you could share those moments with someone…
You tend to find the bloggers who are experiencing burnout on the road are the solo ones- short-term travel is cool but a life travelling solo can take a toll on you longterm.
I’ve met some amazing travel blogging couples who totally rock life on the road.
The recent TBUMBR conference was a great example. Dave and Deb-Planet D, Two Oregonians , Landing Standing……inspiring, warm and amazing people.
They seem to have the found the perfect balance and in many ways compliment each other with different skills- one could be the writer while the other is the photographer, just a general example.
My writing, photography skills are half decent but video skills are terrible –so from a professional perspective, make a lot of sense to date a female travel vlogger?
Maybe not a good idea….
Big brother is watching you.
Dating fellow bloggers is frowned upon by many in the community.
I’ve posed this question to many bloggers in the past and yesterday I put out the feelers out on Facebook about my post to guage the reaction of what people think of travel blogger romances and my post idea.
Some very practical words of advice followed….
Don’t blog about the challenges of finding love as male travel blogger.
Stay on subject and keep your content relevant to your readership. Remember as a professional the importance of keeping your professional and private life separate….
REVEALED FINALLY!!!! THE 2 GOLDEN RULES OF DATING A MALE TRAVEL BLOGGER
I was informed about the two rules of advice from an unnamed female travel blogger at TBUMBR about dating male travel bloggers
Rule number one: never hook up with male travel bloggers.
Rule number two: never hook up with male travel bloggers.
Bummer. I’m in the wrong profession.
I can totally understand where she is coming from.
Last night’s blogger romance is the conversation fodder for everyone in the morning at the breakfast tables.
I am giving the impression that the travel blogging community loves to indulge in gossip, sometimes bitchy and sometimes love idle talk.
It’s not a too inaccurate impression.
Though, tell me any community or tribe in the world where this doesn’t happen.
Does that hold some of us back?
Some have been brave to go where no blogger has gone and found love!!
Kudos to them for trying I say 🙂
It may not work out for everyone.
It represents a risk, I understand if it all goes pear shaped in the end.
What I would say to that…..
Sometimes in life you’ve got to lead your life, take a chance and see if it leads you somewhere.
So what about the alternatives for me- finding love outside the blogging community?
Forget finding love, lets just talk about my friends to start with.
I find it hard to share my travelling life with my friends.
Everytime I meet, talking about all my amazing adventures and while they are excited to hear about them, after awhile you see a disconnect between your life and theirs.
I’m in a parallel universe and orbiting on different path…
The same thing happens when I go on dates.
Women I meet, all of them in fact, love my life of travel.
Have a look at dating profiles for women.
In general you start seeing a pattern of what they are looking for..
A great sense of humour , must enjoying snowboarding and outdoor sports , enjoys long walks by the beach, preferably taller , a great cook and a love of travel
also figures on a pretty, long shopping list…
I figure while I may not score highly on all counts, with my life as a travel blogger, I have an ace in the pack that I should maximise the potential.
My travel stories make for great conversation on dates.
YOU MAKE A LIVING FROM TRAVELLING?
I’ll tell them where I am going next. Sigh.
There is a lot of sighing on my dates.
People ask me what’s my best trip EVER…
I’ll talk about my perfect day in travel blogging when I went to Costa Brava last year – skydiving in the morning from 15,000 feet and meeting Bollywood’s greatest star, going for a 14 course lunch in world’s best restaurant where you can get a reservation only a year in advance, then in the evening being given a private tour of Dali’s museum before sitting down for tapas and then having the surreal feeling of seeing yourself on national TV in Spain.
By this time I share my perfect day, their eyes are moist, sparkling, dreamy almost.
In a few hours over a few drinks, I have painted a world of perfection.
In the beginning, it has it’s charm.
After awhile, I grow tired of my story and my charming life as a travel blogger.
I can’t relate to the reality of her existence- the reality of the 9-5 job.
Her favourite Saturday brunch place she goes with her friends.
News of the latest bar opening in Edinburgh.
Did I see the Hunger Games? Nope.
Despite having an unlimited film pass for the local cinema, I can’t remember the last time I went to the cinema.
(Plus I am still yet to figure out how to….)
It’s like Groundhog Day every date.
I say the perfect things.
I never let my guard down.
I leave out the not so pleasant details of a life of travel and blogging….
Spending the whole day or few days often by the beach or in some dreamy location, locked in utter darkness in my hotel room writing, pitching, invoicing or on social media channels.
When I rave about Barcelona I never talk about how petty crime is there and how I got my wallet and stuff stolen.
Then in the end when the wine bottle is almost empty I hear them say
‘I wish I could have your life.’
I give them my best Gallic shrug and look them straight in the eye and tell them the secret of life they have been dying to hear all their lives.
‘You can have a life of travel. You can have my life too. I can show you how to blog and see the world just like me.’
If I really like the girl and it’s going really well, I’ll plug this line.
I know what you’re thinking about me: how shallow and vain can I be?
Another travel blogger selling the dream life.
However, I am already by this time having magical visions of us walking the streets of Paris in the rain with her.
However, when I say that travel blogging is a relatively not so difficult profession, that anyone with the passion for travel and sharing could technically blog, I get a look of disbelief.
As if what I’ve just said is too good to be true….almost a fairytale.
I realise there in 95% cases, there will always be a gaping chasm between my life and those that I date.
So for the time being , I’ve given up on dating.
It’s no good for travel bloggers especially who have a life on the road 24-7.
I think most of love the spontanity of meeting people on the road.
We rebel against order, we thrive in disorganised chaos, the thrill of the unknown….
So what next in terms of my love quest ? 🙂
I am doing my Luxury Hostels tour for the next few months- given the transient life that is the hostel, backpacking life, does not lend well to forming relationships….
‘Finding love on a budget’ , someone suggested on Facebook
…..could be by my next great blog project or a fly on the wall doc, reality TV style show?
Ermmm. No comment.
While I want to share my amazing life with someone, I know I can’t click my fingers and make love happen.
Whether it’s finding the dream female travel blogger or for that fact ,anyone.
If travel has taught me anything, is to be open to life’s possibilities.
Don’t look too far or plan ahead.
Don’t think of your destination
Just enjoy the journey.
Ah Kash, I loved reading this… Especially now I’ve been lucky enough to meet you I know how genuine and heartfelt your words are and your “quest” is. Just a quick thought – you know a girl doesn’t have to be a travel blogger to travel the world and share your journey with you. More and more professions are opening up to location independence and remote working. My fella runs his own online company and I’m a freelance copywriter/researcher and there are many more things people do on the road to keep travelling. Don’t tell him but I actually like the time apart when I go off on trips on my own…
You’ll find love – no diggity no doubt. x
Thanks- glad you enjoyed it!
True, would be totally cool meeting someone who is location independent and not from the blogging community 🙂
True- think it is important that you do get to travel by yourself in a relationship, healthy, strenghtens the bond and keeps it fresh.
Don’t give up Kash! Love finds you, you don’t find love! I know, another cliche but I really belive this. I never ever would have thought Ilove would find me in Vang Vieng of all place but it did. 7 months later and I’m here living in Germany. Sure I’m not traveling as much as I was, ahem Press Trip offers, but I still living in another country and getting to explore it.I personally feel that the people we meet on the road are our tribe. They are understand this crazy dream that fuels our existence. They too want to see the world and share smiles with old people on the streets in Vietnam and giggle with school children on the bus in Turkey. Your partner is out there just circling the globe on her own not knowing what exactly she is looking for… so carry on and let her find you!
Amen to that 🙂
Thanks for your words..looking forward to life on the road for the next few months.
I’m in Hamburg in June 9, 10th if you are around? 🙂
GREAT article Kash & thanks for the nice words!
A few things from my perspective… travel blogging is both like any other profession in that dating colleagues is always an issue and different, because the personal can be part of your brand.
I love that you wrote about this and find it a really interesting topic. But what about the world of female travelers who don’t blog? Do they even exist? Maybe then you can get the best of both worlds… a lady who loves travel without the baggage of dating within the community.
But my biggest takeaway?
You haven’t seen The Hunger Games? WTF?!?!?!
I know. Everyone at TBU was raving about the Hunger Games.
Just haven’t mastered the art of ripping movies from the net 🙂
Plus I come from a country where all movies have happy endings….
True. There is always this tension in any profession….been interesting to see everyone’s thoughts and reactions to this topic
I especially like those last two sentences 🙂
Kash, what an honest and heartwarming post!
The romantic notion ‘real people’ 😉 have of this “charming life as a travel blogger” bores me to tears!
For me, one of the best parts about the TBU conference in Italy and being around so many fellow travellers was NOT hearing that incredulous “oh, you are a traveller/blogger/writer/photographer…you must be SO awesome” spiel. Ugh, whatever.
As for finding love…no words of wisdom from me, except that I think amazing things can happen when you least expect them. Close you eyes for half a second and you never know what you might open them to.
But you have said it all anyway…and ever so eloquently.
PS I haven’t seen the Hunger Games either…and really, who the hell cares? 🙂 (Apart from Tony, of course – hehe)
My word of advice – see the Hunger games!
I think I have to now….feel deprived or lacking something in my life until I see this movie 🙂
You kept me smiling through the entire post. Don’t get me wrong, I do feel sad for you for not finding the perfect soul mate, but I also see the irony – you are the perfect guy what women want, yet there are not many who actually have guts to go for it and live the lifestyle that you have. It’s not about you really, it’s about most people not believing that dreams can come true.
Thanks for your kind comments.
I see your point -hard to share the dream life with someone who does not believe in it or cannot be part of it….
Yeah it’s hard to beauty and brains I find, usually one has to compromise, though I’m fine with just brains, nothing more sexy than a nice juicy brain.
A nice juicy brain is always good 🙂
I quite enjoyed your blog post, stumbled upon it accidentally while looking for something else. I don’t agree that this is the dream life for everyone. It certainly is for us creative types: artists, bloggers, writers, photographers, etc. but why should it be for anyone else? I can totally understand both of your points – not having the right person in your life and finding it hard to convey to people what you do. I have felt the same way about both.
I just don’t believe that any profession stands in the way of love – I have done lots of different jobs and found love in the most unexpected places, and never found it when I went looking for it deliberately. As for explaining to people what a multi-functional writer does – I gave up. I probably won’t understand a nuclear physicist, so why should they get me? As long as we all do what we were meant to do…
Travel on, blog on and remember what mama said: You can’t hurry love! 😉
Teodora-golden oldie that one!
I did travel on and guess what…I met someone ‘when I least expected’
We’ve been together for a year and now I live in her island-Madeira!
What a life 🙂
Funny. Just been reading the post about why you should never date a girl who loves travel? What’s your thoughts on that post?
Awesome! I haven’t read that one, yet but definitely will. It’s a nice blog you have created here and I’m following you on twitter – looking forward to reading.